LAST week my father, Keith Cole, died.
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It was a very sad time for me and we rallied as a family to get through it and are still “getting through it”.
Keith was very well known in the community, having been a former mayor and local councillor for 26 years.
He was well-liked and respected, having influenced many people while principal of Bourke St School for over 20 years or by helping them as a councillor. People in Goulburn have been a great support to me and my family this last week.
They have let us know they care in their own way, whether that is by a simple “sorry to hear about your dad, mate” at the supermarket or by formal letters to us or beautiful flowers.
The death of my father has made me understand what most men do when they get to middle age. They realise - sometimes with alarm - just how much like their fathers they are. In our 20s (or earlier) we said to ourselves we were never going to be like him – the controlling, conservative old so and so… (in hindsight he was not at all conservative).
We said to ourselves that we were going to do things differently and be more broad-minded and less parochial about certain things than he is, etc. But here we are – 20 odd years later and we ARE him.
We are his mannerisms, the way he stood, the way he looked at life. His words of advice come out of us automatically when we are talking to our own children or when someone makes us angry or when we are facing a life problem.
Our fathers visit us in our dreams and they inhabit our waking minds – whether we lost them last week or many years ago.
Renowned men’s author Steve Biddulph in his classic book Manhood says it is necessary for men to “fix it with their fathers” and that “men cannot get on with their lives successfully until they have understood him, forgiven him and come in some way to respect him”.
One thing I am grateful for in these past few months is that I had time to tell him that I loved and respected him, despite our differences and that I thanked him for being a “great dad”. I know my brother Robert also got to say these things to him.
One of the last things he said to me and Robert on Monday, while he was still consciously with us, was “I love you both”. Knowing this somehow helped me when his favourite songs were played at his private family funeral on Saturday and when people have said kind words about him or shared funny memories of him.
I got to say goodbye to him, but I understand a lot of people in the community may wish to do so as well. The family has decided to hold a wake for him on Sunday, August 21 from 2 to 5pm at the Goulburn Soldiers Club auditorium.
Please come along and share your funny stories about him, or just have a drink to Keith. His favourite motto was: “It’s a poor heart that never rejoices”. Let’s celebrate the life of this kind, caring and funny man – my dad.
