I know how hard it is to accept help when your world falls apart

The pathway through grief is a unique experience and we all tend to experience it differently. There really is no right or wrong way to go about navigating this path, but there are a few things that you can do to help along your way.

The first thing to remember is that grief is rarely linear. We all know about the "stages" of grief, but this phrasing can be misleading. It's rarely something that follows logical steps from one stage to the next and you can find yourself repeating "stages" along the way. If you think about it as a linear "progression" this return to emotional stages can feel like regression, when in actual fact, the "stages" of grief are not always experienced in order and are often revisited as time goes by.

I find that the "Three C's" provide a really helpful approach to managing grief: Choose, Connect, Communicate. This is something that you can apply to every aspect of your day on a regular basis and is vital when considering returning to work after a loss.

Choose what's best for you (even if that's accepting that you need a doona day, or that you aren't ready to return to work yet); connect with others whether online (anonymously or not), or in person and do so honestly; and communicate your needs.

When you are returning to work, you need a plan. This can be particularly challenging as you likely won't know what you actually need until you see it. As such, either a careers counsellor or a personal counsellor would be a great place to start here with determining what it is that you actually need with regards to your return-to-work plan.

Involving your boss in this process can also help you feel supported in your return to work so that both you and your colleagues know what to do moving forward. As awful as grief is for those experiencing it, it can also be difficult to navigate for those around you - they will likely want to help and support you, but may not know how.

Perhaps you want to continue "as normal" and have others treat you like they ordinarily would have prior to your loss. For many people, they crave "normalcy" and not the softly, softly approach that is so commonly experienced as people try to navigate their working relationship with you and feel out how to best approach you. However, others may want to get back to work slowly and maybe start off working remotely and ease back into regular contact with others.

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This process is challenging enough for neurotypical people, but for those of you who are neurodiverse, this may feel like a whole other level of awkward and social challenge. Don't be afraid to reach out for help from your community - counsellors, community services workers, your HR department, your boss, your colleagues. You may find that just being blunt and up front will be helpful - either by telling your boss what you need and asking them to pass it on to your team, or telling your colleagues yourself. "Business as usual please! I'm craving normalcy" is a perfectly acceptable request upon your return. As is "This is really hard, please be gentle with me".

The only person who can truly figure out the way forward through this process is you, as you are the person experiencing your unique grief roller coaster. However, even though we are all individuals, we are not alone. The most important thing of all to accept is help, whether that's a meal, the offer of leave, an afternoon in a rage room, or a GoFundMe page.

Having lost my husband two weeks ago, I know first-hand just how hard it is to accept help when your world falls apart. Accepting help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of our collective humanity. Embrace it.