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Overture, dim the lights, this is it, the night of nights.
As a kid, the opening theme of Warner Bros' Looney Tunes would have me in front of the idiot box in a flash. Selective hearing muted parental instructions to tidy my room but I could always detect the beginning of my favourite cartoon show from a mile off.
The childhood memory flashed back last week as I sat down to watch question time on Monday.
Anthony Albanese reminded me of Elmer Fudd. Diminutive, halting, cranky and eternally frustrated. Opposite him Foghorn Leghorn, the hulking, bombastic rooster who thought he knew everything but didn't.
There was this point of order by Peter Dutton during an answer by Richard Marles on nuclear waste plans for the AUKUS submarines:
Dutton: "It's on relevance. And, perhaps, to be of assistance to the minister, the propulsion system burns energy - that's how the system is working ..." Dutton was shut down by the Speaker before being speared by the Deputy PM.
Marles: "Actually, it doesn't burn any fuel, because burning is oxidisation, which is what happens in an internal combustion engine, which is exactly what happens when you use hydrocarbons. What this is is a nuclear reaction which gives rise to power."
The alternative PM promoting a form of energy he doesn't understand? Looney Tunes.
The theme started playing again on Wednesday, when The Guardian reported that Dutton's plan to walk away from the 2030 emissions reduction targets had all been a mistake. Foghorn had misspoken in his interview with The Australian but decided to press on regardless, tying himself in knots and utterly confusing the barnyard.
By Wednesday night, Looney Tunes had lodged itself as an earworm, thanks to space laser conspiracist, QAnon raver and staunch Trump cheerleader Marjorie Taylor Greene, who popped up on the ABC's 7.30 to talk about Julian Assange, whose release she had campaigned for.
Happy to answer questions about Assange, MTG turned demonic when the conversation turned to truth, Trump and the January 6 storming of the Capitol. She accused Sarah Ferguson of being put up by the Democrats before demanding to know what network she was appearing on. The appearance was so unexpected and hallucinatory I wondered if I'd somehow dropped a magic mushroom into my linguine alla funghi. Looney Tunes on steroids.
By Friday, the cartoons made way for the main feature. Joe Biden looked frail when he shuffled out to face Donald Trump in the highly anticipated first presidential debate. It was an agonising - even cruel - appearance in which the President struggled to finish his sentences, appeared confused and wandered off script to argue about golf handicaps.
Like an addled grandfather arguing with the nurse about the TV guide, one friend said.
Weekend at Bernie's, quipped another.
If it was painful for the rest of us to watch, I can't imagine what it was like for the Democrats. Or for Americans, scratching their heads at the brawl in the nursing home - a liar and braggart in one corner and a confused grandpa in the other - wondering if this is the best politics can offer?
As cartoonish as our politics can be, it's nothing compared to the grotesque vaudeville of this presidential campaign.
That's all, folks.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Should there be an age limit on people standing for office? Do we do politics better than the US? And, thinking back, who was your favourite Looney Tunes character? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Australian intelligence officials met with their United States counterparts to discuss "unidentified anomalous phenomenon collection planning", documents released under freedom of information laws show. The meeting was held at the Pentagon in May 2023 and involved the so-called Five Eyes - US, Australia, Canada, UK, New Zealand - to brief the alliance about UAPs, the modern term for UFOs.
- Senator Fatima Payman has been suspended from the Labor Party caucus after vowing to continue crossing the floor in support of Palestinian statehood. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese suspended her from the caucus indefinitely after previously being banned for a single meeting.
- People living with disability in country Australia are left housebound, isolated and lonely as they face long delays to see specialists and access the NDIS. Those with impaired vision need an ophthalmologist's report to join the insurance scheme, but specialists are usually city-based and waiting lists may be up to one year long, a federal inquiry has been told.
THEY SAID IT: "The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." - Oscar Wilde
YOU SAID IT: Garry looked into the plight of people searching for love online only to be disillusioned on dates, ghosted or crippled by choice.
"Why are so many men 'lost', unable to relate, or caught in a powerless power assertion that results in violence?" asks Christine. "Is it that women, or men for that matter, don't know how to raise boys? That to teach boys that power and assertiveness does not mean oppressing women or anyone else for that matter. And then there is the matter of women being 'too choosy'. Frightened may be a better word. Dating apps are merely one way of meeting other people."
Jennifer writes: "As a mature female who dated online for a few years, the monotonous repeat pattern of men defeated me. Men wanted sex without a relationship, someone to cook and clean for them or a woman who would completely upend her life to fit in with them. There was no thought of an equal partnership, so I opted out. Perhaps that's the era of these 'mature' men."
"I met my husband on a dating site six-and-a-half years ago," writes Samantha. "We have been married for almost five years. There were a lot of misses before I met him but I am so glad I went through that. It was an emotional journey that taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted. No regrets."
Bruce writes: "I can relate to your daughter's predicament, Garry. My son is 28 and is frustrated by the overwhelming number of available women who are obsessed with the Kardashians and reality shows."
"We have grown up with the Hollywood idea that the man needs to be earning more that the woman and must have a highly influential job," writes Kate. "I have two degrees (science and computer programming) and married a man who was a clerk. He is intelligent but just hated academia. Two of my sons went into labouring style occupations. Even though both received very high HSC scores and positions at uni, they agreed with their dad that academia was boring. They also find the dating scene difficult since most intelligent woman seem to equate intelligence with occupation. Maybe your daughter should start looking at the plumbers, electricians, etc."