Grumpy Old Man - here is the TV show you have really been waiting for

Yes, this is the new television show you have been waiting for, been asking for, as we throw together a misfit clump of narcissists with the overly dramatic and the emotionally and mentally fragile.

And yes - clump is the correct collective noun for these interchangeable individuals.

So sit back and relax as their lives and dreams come crashing down around them, and just remember it is all happening for your voyeuristic viewing pleasure.

But we'll soften the blow, by having a calm and condescending voiceover explaining the blatantly obvious, just in case you are unable to follow the story (in which case, you might be a suitable candidate for next season, so keep an eye out for details on how to take part).

There will also be long sequences of people walking in slow motion, just to juxtapose the tears and hysterics bound to occur from the moment our people lay eyes on each other.

All the while we'll be asking the question - Who will be the first to have a complete emotional breakdown?

Oh, this is going to be fun, isn't it?

And if they don't fall apart while cameras are shoved into their faces, we'll make them sit in front of a panel of judgemental people to point out how stupid the contestants are.

Why would our tattoo-covered contestants filled with botox and anabolic steroids care what these panel members think?

Well, in real life they wouldn't, but we're going to force them to sit still and listen for the first time in their lives, making it as uncomfortable as possible.

After all, isn't this what you have been wanting - to watch people squirm and fall apart from the comfort of your loungerooms?

Isn't this what you have been preparing for over the past few years?