When your child is sad, overwhelmed or having a meltdown, it's tempting to try and stop it as quickly as possible.
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But parenting coach Nicki Pittorino, who will speak as part of a UOW seminar helping parents to cope with the stresses of back-to-school, says meltdowns and tantrums should be welcomed - as they give strong clues about how kids are feeling.
"Children get anxious, overwhelmed or feel daunted about transitions, but rather than thinking 'how can I stop this and remediate it', it's really about how can I embrace this?'," she said.
"How can I really give my child a safe space to express their feelings, to process what they're going through so that they can learn to manage their feelings rather than shutting down their feelings."
"It's about seeing behaviour as a form of communication, and then what is it that we can actually learn from especially challenging behaviours."
She said some people inadvertently dismiss their child's struggles by wanting to quickly make them better.
"When a child expresses something they didn't like or that upset them, it sometimes difficult for us as parents to sit with that emotion," she said.
"We might say 'that's not so bad' or 'it'll be better tomorrow' - we go to correct or to minimize the experience.
"Instead, it's about that embracing and allowing all emotions. You might ask 'how did that feel for you?' or say 'that sounds hard'.
"If we want our children to do well in transitions, we want to support their authentic experience rather than trying to push them into a positive way of thinking."
With a new school year starting, she said this didn't mean that parents shouldn't be positive, but that they should balance that out by listening closely to their kids and watching for clues to decode their behaviour.
"You might help set your child's expectations by saying school is going to be so fun, you're going to meet new people and learn all this amazing stuff, but also to say if you get exhausted or if something happens that you don't like, I'm always here to talk about it," she said.
"Then there's already this expectation that it's going to be great, but if anything happens that upsets me or that I want to share, then mum is there and I can talk to her."
In her work as a parent coach and founder of Whole Picture Parenting, Ms Pittorino also advises parents to look at things outside behaviour - like food, sleep and exercise to understand why children might be acting in a certain way.
Top back to school tips
- Keep the lines of communications open
- Pack a healthy lunch box and snacks made mainly from whole foods
- Make sure that the child has enough downtime and unstructured play, where they can waft towards whatever they need and that doesn't include screen time
- Get enough exercise and sleep.
- In the first couple of weeks, don't do too much - just to keep it a very calm routine so that children can settle back in. A new start requires more brain power so you need time to get back into a routine.
On January 31, UOW's Luminaries webinar series will return for 2024 with the first session focussing on helping children transition back to school after the holidays. A panel of early childhood experts and psychologists will share tips about play, screen time, movement, mental health and learning for children aged 5-13.
Kate McIlwain
For more than a decade, I've helped the Illawarra Mercury set the news agenda across the region. Currently I'm the paper's health reporter - covering the stories of Illawarra workers and residents in the wake of a global pandemic and at a time where our health systems are stretched to the limit.
For more than a decade, I've helped the Illawarra Mercury set the news agenda across the region. Currently I'm the paper's health reporter - covering the stories of Illawarra workers and residents in the wake of a global pandemic and at a time where our health systems are stretched to the limit.
