The past 20 years has been an emotional rollercoaster for David Ure, who survived the terrorist bombing of a Bali nightclub.
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"It's an emotional rollercoaster. You are up and down, you can't sleep, you get grumpy. At the start you don't realise what is happening to you but as time goes on, as you have a family, you actually appreciate what you have a bit more," Mr Ure said.
"That probably makes life a bit more difficult because you really get a perspective of what life is about and when you keep thinking how lucky am I; that's when the PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) kicks in.
"It goes as a wave. You have weeks where you can't sleep, maybe get one to two hours a night, then you have one or two weeks where you sleep like a baby.
"You have to try and manage that and that's the hard bit."
In October, 2002, the 22-year-old was enjoying his first overseas holiday with his then girlfriend.
The pair had only been in Bali for 24 hours when two bombs were detonated in Kuta's busy night spots, the Sari Club and Paddy's Irish Bar, on October 12 about 11pm.
Mr Ure and his girlfriend, who were dancing at the Sari Club, were blown off their feet after the second blast at the front of the club.
Mr Ure found himself under a thatched roof with a wooden beam over his back. His girlfriend's screams four metres away motivated him to punch a hole through the thatched roof so he could stand up.
As small fires started all around them, the pair headed towards a back wall and Mr Ure bravely led several people to a safe exit over a three-metre brick wall.
"I could see another way to get out, if we ran through a bit of fire. I grabbed a bunch of people and pushed them up the wall. That's when I was a bit lighter and I could climb a bit better," Mr Ure said.
"I climbed up there and jumped off that wall and over a laneway, which was one metre or a bit more, onto a roof that had no tiles on it because they had all been blown off so it was just a wooden frame."
After jumping down the adjacent building, Mr Ure shielded his girlfriend from the horrific scene as they made their way to a nearby restaurant.
A Balinese family then took them to hospital, but after seeing the severe conditions of the injured people, they went back to their hotel.
"There was a bunch of nurses staying there and they knew we were going to the Sari Club that night. They saw us walk back in with cuts, gashes and wounds so they helped clean us up and we sat in the salt water pool to help with any potential infections," Mr Ure said.
The Victorian Central Highlands car salesman says 20 years on, he can still smell and hear the noises of the traumatic night when 202 people, including 88 Australian tourists, lost their lives.
My life will never go back to normal but that is my journey. That is how life happens.
- David Ure
"My biggest thing from it is if I can help someone else with PTSD from my story, that's what I will do. I get some satisfaction out of that, to help someone else."
Mr Ure, of Ballarat, will travel to Bali with his family, including his two sons aged three and six, for the 20th anniversary of the bombings.
He says it will be good to return to Kuta, having been there for the one-year anniversary, the trial of accused bomber Amrozi bin Nurhasyim and a holiday with his wife.
"It will be good but it will be very hard as well. Especially being there for the anniversary. It brings everything up and all the attention is on it," Mr Ure said.
"It'll be hard going through it again. Will it help me? I don't know but I can share my story and help someone else then I am sort of happy there."
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Mr Ure's family members know his story but some have not been to the bombing sites.
"When they see it they will get more of a realisation. I remember when I took my elder sister there the first time and she was like, 'how the hell did you get out of that?'," he said.
"My two little boys are coming too. They don't really know the story. At least they can say, 'hey Dad did something here' and that's why I don't mind doing media because at least when they grow up they have something to look at."
Mr Ure said he had kept in contact with some survivors, including his former girlfriend, while he had not seen others for 18 years. He hopes to reunite with the survivors in Kuta in October.
The martial arts sensei said he had many family members, friends and students who he could talk to about his PTSD.
"My dad was a (police) detective for 36 years. He has seen a lot of stuff and goes through it as well. My father-in-law is a Vietnam Vet so same thing with him," Mr Ure said.
"It's very hard to describe but when you go through it and talk to someone else about it, it makes a big difference.
"To have someone who understands it is quite unique. Sometimes Dad will ring me up and say he is having a bad day and vice-versa and that makes a big difference. Not everyone has that."
Mr Ure said he did not know how Bali bomb maker Umar Patek, who has been granted an early release after serving 11 years of a 20-year jail sentence, could already be reformed.
