After 45 years as a GP, Dr Robert Favaloro ponders on what it takes to build a wonderful life. How happiness can be grown and tended like a good crop. It's all about following The Rules of Life.
Maria had been diagnosed late with advanced cancer.
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She always liked to be in control and she was determined to beat the cancer.
Being a perfectionist she read widely and took on a programme of exercise, meditation, prayer and an organic anti-cancer diet.
With time she was told that the cancer was not responding and she took this as a failure on her part.
She felt that she hadn't tried hard enough and she'd failed herself, her family and the medical team.
Maria was distraught in consultation when we discussed her prognosis, but her sense of failure dominated the conversation.
I let her tears flow till she seemed to settle.
I asked if any good at all had come out of this battle on her part. She stopped and looked at her sister and smiled weakly.
Yes, she had realised that the cancer had made her more accepting of everyone and even herself. She also spoke of how she had reconciled with family and with her God. She felt more at peace than ever in her life.
She accepted that there was no gain in being critical or disappointed in herself. The cancer wasn't healed but healing had occurred in so many other ways in her life.
As we appreciate the inner beauty in ourselves we can see it in those around us. We can only control our own actions and our own value system. We can't control anything else. Accepting this helps us attain that marvellous gift of 'contentment'.
Perfectionism is a burden. Perfectionists need to appear perfect, never make mistakes and be in control.
They can hold similar unrealistic expectations of others. It is empowering to give up this 'control' mentality.
When we adopt the mindset of seeing the good in every situation we become more optimistic with our life. We will then feel that energised state we all desire.
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